And here I am again, making an update.
So, this night is probably going to be more boring than I had anticipated. I mean, if I'm going to be patient enough to sit down and make a post you know it's bad. That's mostly because our "high speed" internet is, albeit, faster than dial-up, but not nearly as fast as it should be. I'm not sure why it's so slow, but I'm also too lazy to look into it.
Perhaps I should just tell a story:
One day a young man was taking his dog for a walk when he happened to notice a family moving in just a few streets down from him. Well, to be fair, he was noticing the daughter more than anyone else. Ah yes, it was love at first sight. He knew it wasn't the right time to approach her, as she was too busy moving, but he noted which house it was and hoped he might see her outside one evening while walking his dog.
That night he sat at his computer and worked tirelessly to create a Flash animation of the two of them engaging in acts which brought them closer than the Good Book would customarily allow. Even as he fell asleep that night he could not get her image out of his mind.
The next day came and went and the young man decided to take the dog out a little later than usual, lest he happen upon the girl's house while she was eating dinner, which would rule out any chance of seeing her outside. He did not see the girl but what he saw was almost as good. The next day was the scheduled garbage collection day and there, in front of the house, was the family's (and the girl's) trash. His curiosity got the better of him and, seeing as how the sun had set, he knew his chances were good of rummaging through the garbage without being noticed. After sifting through meaningless mail and foodstuffs, he found something better than he could possibly have hoped for: a discarded bra. His excitement swelled within him as much as he swelled without.
It wasn't until he returned home from this venture that he realized the bra may not have belonged to the girl, but to her mother. Once safely in his room, he checked the size and gleefully decided that it was probably too small for a full-grown woman. The bra did, however, fit him quite comfortably.
Weeks passed and our young friend was consistently unable to see the girl while walking his dog. His occasional searches of her trash yielded nothing and eventually he gave up searching the bins altogether. He decided that he must become more proactive. He searched for something he could do to meet her aside from awkwardly knocking on the door and asking for "that girl that lives here"...because that would just be weird. He contemplated various scenarios and tactics until one day he came up with the perfect plan.
Every Friday and Saturday night he would wait in the bushes near the house across the street from hers and wait for her parents to leave. Then he could be sure that if he went to the door, she would be the one that would answer. He hadn't seen any siblings when the family was moving in, nor were there any additional cars, so he figured she was an only child.
After several weekends of lurking in the shrubs without any luck, the young man waited again one Saturday night. This time it would work, he just knew it. And it did. Just after 9pm the garage door of the girl's house opened and the boy saw the parents enter the car within and leave. Their dress was not casual, so he assumed they were going somewhere in particular and would not be back for a while. This was his chance. Screwing up his courage, he emerged from his bush and approached the girl's front door.
Oh, after so much waiting and hoping he didn't know if he could go through with it. Very nervously, and after much hesitation, his finger slowly found the doorbell. It seemed as though hours, nay, lifetimes had passed before a small click followed by a turning knob confirmed that the girl was home and answering the door. He knew this was the moment. As the door began to open he pulled out the steak knife he had 'borrowed' from his own kitchen and lunged forward, knocking open the door and sending the girl on the other side onto her back. Seizing his opportunity, he leapt upon her and swiftly brought the knife to her throat. With only the slightest twitch of his blade he ended her.
As he walked home nearly an hour later he wished he had remembered to bring his cellular phone. He wanted it not only for the pictures he could have taken, but also because he couldn't wait to brag to his friends about how he had lost his virginity to a hot girl that lived only a few streets from him. And yes, the bra was hers. Ah, young love <3 <3 <3 THE END